Why I gave up

It’s almost the end of January and I was a little late to do my usual intention setting for the coming year due to my overseas holiday.
As I sat and reflected and really got honest with myself all of the below came pouring out. You know how you sometimes just don’t want to face certain things in your life but when you do you really own and take action on it? This is the honesty of my last 16months.

Since September 2017, my own training took a back seat.
It was not a top-level priority for me and this is the vulnerable and very real story of why.

I injured my back pretty badly that September doing an awesome event with some of my beautiful clients.

I didn’t know it at the time, but this was to be a huge test for me mentally, emotionally and physically.

I have had many injuries over the years which have seen me sidelined however I never, ever gave up. I would always work around them, find ways to continue with my training at all costs.

That all changed. I pretty much for want of a better word, gave up.

This was the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak.

I was so sick and tired of trying to change the way I trained with my injuries and with this particular injury I was in a lot of pain, every day and still am in some pain most days. If you have chronic pain, you know what I am talking about. It seeps into your soul.

I felt like my body had betrayed me to the fullest and the darkness surrounded me.

I still went on delivering amazing workouts to my clients, serving them and helping them through their injuries and dysfunctions. Always supplying hope to them because I knew deeply how they felt. I was right there feeling it with them.

Sure, I had moments of trying to get back into it where I would do some light workouts, do my rehabilitation exercises and then I would either do too much or do something that would flare my injury up, so I would go back into my hole.

I had completely lost hope for myself. For someone who loves to move their body and was used to moving every day I was crushed.

My physical body began to change. I felt unmotivated, unclear, sore and stiff and I had lost muscle so things that were once easy became a lot harder. My cardiovascular fitness declined too as I noticed I became out of breath quicker when doing the simplest of things.

The main thing I noticed above all else was FEAR. I was so fearful of moving and exercising because I didn’t want to make my pain worse or set off my back in some way because I still had to LIFE. I still had to be the mum, wife, friend, coach and everything in between.

This was not the me I knew.

I look back on the last 16months as learning. It is all part of the journey I took that was uniquely for me to take. It has taught me a lot. Yes, it was painful, frustrating, soul crushing and it took all of my energy.

I could stay in this cycle of CAN’T but I now choose not to.

I choose to find another way. I choose to look outside the box, just like I do with all of my clients and I choose to move forward.

My body has changed and carries an injury I will forever have which means it can no longer train the way I was accustomed to.

It means I need to start from the ground up.

It means I need to take it slow and give myself the gift of patience.

It means I need to show myself compassion and empathy.

It means I need to ask for help and support.

It means I need to look at options I have never previously needed to look at to enjoy movement again

It also means I have a much stronger understanding of those that live with chronic pain and dysfunction and I believe it will make me a much better coach and able to serve those that need my help.

Sometimes we cannot see with our eyes what another is going through but that does not make it any less raw and real.

I intend to listen harder and serve better through my coaching.

And for that I am grateful for the learning this injury gave me.
So, where to from here?

Since I got home from the U.S I have bought myself an exercise book to record my workouts in and to keep me accountable.
I find this works best for me if I write it down, so I can reflect and tell myself I need to pick up my game or that I am doing a great job.

I have been doing planned rehabilitation work as well as light weights 4 times a week.

I walk 3-4 days a week, down the beach is my favourite.

And I have enquired about Walking Netball (no running or jumping) in my area which I am super excited to give a try and will do next week.

I am also on the lookout for other ideas that will fit with my body so if you have one send it through.

I intend for this year to be the year I regain some fitness and strength without putting pressure on myself or further injuring my body.

I intend to do this with compassion and amazement in exactly what this body does for me on a daily basis.

How about you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, feel free to send me a note of support, ideas or if you need some guidance then I am right here for you and if you want to follow along on my journey feel free to follow me on Instagram where I will post in stories of my daily workouts. www.instagram.com/meeactivembl

If you would like to join our private group of Meant To Mover’s feel free to add yourself here https://www.facebook.com/groups/1931555433788865/ this group will support and encourage you every step of the way.

Taking one day at a time,

Rachelle x (this is one of me from Tuesday’s session)
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2019-02-02T16:27:49+00:00
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