I’m sick of fighting, of trying too hard, of doing.
I’ve been burnt out before and I do not want to go back to that place.
I am a recovering perfectionist who was fuelled by the more I do, the more I achieve.
I say was because that was me for most of my life.
I was also fuelled by the more I do, the more I will be liked or accepted.
How wrong I was.
I mean how can you be liked more by doing more? It doesn’t even make sense when you read it that way.
And furthermore, how can you achieve more by doing more? Yes, ok all you doers out there, I hear you on this one and I still fall into this trap of NOT.DOING.ENOUGH. (however, I am learning)
Here are my thoughts and opinions from my own perspective and breaking down my own barriers on this subject.
The more you do the less you achieve. (Hard to take, hey?)
Let me give you an example. Last year I took myself away for 3 nights, not far away just down to the beach in a room overlooking the water so I could rest and restore.
Yes ok, I did take my laptop and did do some work however I also allowed myself to just be.
I got up when I wanted, I ate when I wanted, I walked and explored when I wanted.
I journaled and meditated and thought and allowed myself to unwind.
I had also done some business planning and within my plan was to take on 5 more private coaching clients.
My last night at the hotel I was sitting overlooking the water and decided to check my emails & messages. To my surprise there were 7 messages from women who were enquiring about my coaching! Some were from referrals and others from out of nowhere.
I have never had that many private coaching enquires in 3 days in the 9 yrs I have been doing this!
5 of the 7 joined me and are still with me to this day.
What did I do? Nothing…………except…….I honoured myself.
There I said it. I honoured MYSELF.
I allowed myself to just be, to give myself grace and space to do nothing.
And ok, I want to acknowledge my privilege here by stating I did in fact have the means to take myself away and do this.
I also want to acknowledge that you don’t have to book a room by the beach to honour yourself.
Honouring yourself can be done in the little daily things.
- Taking 10min out of your day to sit quietly in the sun
- Doing a 5 min stretch
- Drinking a litre of water
- 30 seconds of deep inhale and exhale
More recently I wasn’t feeling well and I could tell I was going down hill fast.
Not so long ago I would of pushed through, been a martyr and got the job done because ain’t no one got time for being sick!
I decided to cancel the rest of my days sessions and I put myself to bed at 11.30am. I also took the next day off and stayed in bed. If you know me; you know how much this is NOT me!
Yet I am sick of fighting and pushing against what my mind and body need. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to run myself into the ground anymore.
What is that for?
Why do we feel the need to do it?
We feel the need to do it because we are driven and ambitious women for sure but there are deep seated emotions there that need to be broken down too.
- Why do I feel the need to constantly strive for greatness?
- Why do I feel the need to be liked or seen as the best?
- Why do I need to always be busy?
As I transition through my midlife I am ever evolving, ever changing and always learning about me.
I will often stop and re ask myself the questions above if I feel I am trapped in the doing spiral.
What I have learnt is the more grace and space I give myself which includes saying NO to things I don’t want to do the more evolved I become.
The more grace and space I give myself the more my world opens up to possibilities and different pathways.
The more my world opens up to those possibilities and pathways the more love and joy I experience.
Which in turn only benefits those close to me and those I serve.
What’s not to love about honouring yourself?
How can you honour yourself right now?
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